"We'll take two tickets to Mars," a bear said, holding out the fare with his paw.
"Two tickets it is," the ticket agent at Animal Escape said, and handed them over. "Please, have a seat in the waiting room. The next rocket departs in one hour."
"Thanks," the bear replied, and headed for a nearby bench with his mate and their two cubs.
An eager moose and his mate were next in line. They watched as the ticket agent gathered up a pile of ticket receipts and, with a terrible intimation of finality, placed them aside.
"Next?" the agent said, looking back at the moose couple.
The hopeful escapees stepped up to the counter.
"Two tickets to Mars," the male announced, and flipped the cash to the agent with his antler.
"Sorry, but the next flight is completely booked," the ticket rep said.
"Don't tell me that!" the moose objected. "Me and my mate have to get out of here ASAP."
"Sorry," the clerk said, "but I can get you on the next flight."
"When does that leave?" the disgruntled moose asked.
"Next year, same time."
"Next year?"
"Well, it's a new service," the ticket agent advised him. "We only have so many rockets, and it's a long trip."
"But we can't wait that long," the female moose interjected. "Do you know what it's like trying to live on this planet with so many human beings on it?"
"Since I'm not a moose, I can only imagine," the ticket agent replied. "But that's the idea behind Animal Escape. If other animals have a choice, they'll all want to book a trip to another planet, regardless of what conditions they might encounter."
"You got that right," the male moose agreed. "Humans everywhere, smoking up the air, crapping in the water, firing guns, taking pictures, wanting to talk with us, like we're human beings, too. It's just too much."
"I'm sure it is," the ticket agent replied. "Ever since we opened the service, we've been booked solid. It seems like every animal on earth can't wait to clear out of here. Would you like to book for next year?"
"Nothing sooner?"
"I'm afraid that's it."
"OK," the male moose said, turning to his mate. "Anything is better than imagining the rest of our lives on this people-packed planet."
"I agree," she sighed. "Grab the tickets while you can."
The attentive agent responded and held forth their tickets. The male moose tilted an antler toward him, and the rep placed the two tickets on it. Then the male and his mate ambled off.
"Just think, only one more year and we're out of here," the male consoled his mate.
"Let's just hope we don't get shot between now and then," she commented.
"If we're lucky, not even photographed again," he told her.
Then they exited the terminal, steeling themselves for their final year as nonhuman residents of the earth. Then they would vamoose.
About Author :
Tom Attea, humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his writing "delightfully funny," "witty," with "good, genuine laughs" and "great humor and ebullience."
