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Humor
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| Mother's Trying to Find Time to Pamper!! Not
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TIME FOR A PAMPER
As a parent, many of you will be aware of how little time we
have to really take time out of the normal slog of life and
pamper ourselves. Much of the time is spent ferrying our
children to various activities. Energy is used hollering and
shouting at them to do their homework, tidy their room, stop the ... |
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18 Nov 2008 03:32:52 By Esther Austin |
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| `And How Do We Feel This Morning?'
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Without question, going to the hospital is teamwork from the
time you arrive until you are wheeled out the front door.
Everyone is working together for the common good of the patient,
or at least a crack at his bank account. That is as it should be
in such mercenary endeavors.
Spending a few days in the hospital recently reinforced ... |
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02 Nov 2008 01:37:37 By Rev. James L. Snyder |
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| Bat Ejection Techniques - Country Survival Course #27
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People lie! They lie about the bliss of rural relocation. They
lie about the size of fish they catch. They lie about being
there for you. But, mostly, they lie about bats! Such a silly
thing, yet no one can admit the ugly truth. "Bats only come into
your house. It never happens to me," friends say. Liars!
Evidence to t ... |
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30 Oct 2008 02:23:24 By Nola Kelsey |
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| Bovine Resort
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Meat is murder - I understand that - but what if it weren't
murder? Would it be alright to eat it, then? The reason I was
thinking of this was that I almost hit a couple of wild turkeys
while driving to work today and it occurred to me that if I had
hit them it wouldn't be murder at all and their meat woul ... |
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15 Oct 2008 10:22:36 By Steve Sommers |
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| Bob Hope Wasn't The Only One Who Used Idiot Cards
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When Bob Hope moved into television, he lost the opportunity to
hold his script in his hand , something he had gotten used to
working in radio. The presentation would look too stiff to his
audience. He tried to memorize his monologues, but that proved
to be too cumbersome of a task and it took away from his golf
game. The solution wa ... |
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28 Sep 2008 10:30:08 By Stephen Schochet |
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| YOUR HAIKU ERROR MESSAGES FOR THE DAY
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Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005.
YOUR HAIKU ERROR MESSAGES FOR THE DAY
While many disparage the advent of glitches in our wired world,
the only way to find solace and sanity is to return to the
ancient teachings.
"Haiku", (a Japanese style of poetry), offers readers a way to
experience the daily dilemmas of our digital commu ... |
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19 Aug 2008 04:51:56 By Victoria Elizabeth |
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| Moose Vamoose For Mars; Too Many People On Earth
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"We'll take two tickets to Mars," a bear said, holding out the fare with his paw.
"Two tickets it is," the ticket agent at Animal Escape said, and handed them over. "Please, have a seat in the waiting room. The next rocket departs in one hour."
"Thanks," the bear replied, and headed for a nearby bench with his ma ... |
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28 Jul 2008 10:54:52 By Tom Attea |
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| Weather Woman
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Sometimes you just get lucky.
I ran out of gas in Paiper Machet, Louisiana, on my way to a
convention for freelance bumper sticker writers. My "Watch Out
For The Idiot Behind Me" had become an industry classic and I
was to be the keynote speaker.
This was in the days before there was an all-night convenience
sto ... |
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25 Jun 2008 10:28:03 By Tom Hale |
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| Just One Of Those Hellish Days
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------------------------------------------------- Just One Of
Those Hellish Days…
-------------------------------------------------
by Dagmar Rakos
That was one of those days - I call them hell days, my friends
call them haunted - when nothing seemed to work.
Everything what could go wrong, went.
First my main desktop computer played it's ... |
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22 Jun 2008 07:22:45 By Dagmar Rakos |
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| Sensational new evidence proving origins of Teddy Boys
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Sensational cover up exposed, original Teddy Boys were really
bears all the time.
Thanks to this exclusive Stiffsteiffs exposé, Teddy Boys make
their comeback.
Everyone thinks rock and roll kicked off Teddy Boys, but the
very name should give you a clue.
This pair, Phil and Don, are tough Teddy Boys. They have teddy
tattoos, and th ... |
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02 Jun 2008 04:40:30 By malcolm james pugh |
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| Lord Almighty, A Christian Site
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Lord Almighty, A Christian Site
By Punkerslut
Jesus is lord! Wheee!!!!
So there I was, just cruising the internet looking for a batch
of pornography. I go to www.busty-amateurs.com, an old-time
favorite site, and what do I see!? No content, no join, no
free-tour (heh, what I used everytime), no news, just "Jesus
Christ is Lord." And belo ... |
| Posted
13 May 2008 05:39:42 By Punkerslut |
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| IT'S NUTTY NOVEMBER!
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Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005.
IT'S NUTTY NOVEMBER!
Or, in other words, "National Nudnik Month"!
Compiled by Lady Beatrice Blitterlees and edited by Lord Earl
Craboon
November is the 11th month of the calendar year, so what else is
new?
Well for one thing this month features a good many things for
knuckleheads, ninny-h ... |
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13 May 2008 05:39:42 By B. Blitterlees & E. Craboon |
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| The $600,000 Quarter - A True Story
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The $600,000 Quarter - A True Story By Rocky Ramsey
My father has what can only be described as fantastically good
luck or horribly bad luck. You'll have to be the judge with this
one. This is a true story.
Several months ago my parents went to a Biloxi casino and were
waiting in line for breakfast. The ... |
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13 May 2008 05:39:42 By Rocky Ramsey |
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| How Time Flies When I Am In A Hurry
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Have you ever noticed that when you are on vacation time goes by
rapidly? According to my calculations (and I'm the first to
admit I didn't do well in calculus), the average minute during
vacation time is less than 20 seconds. This is one reason time
goes by so quickly on vacation.
The other reason, as everyone knows, is that duri ... |
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13 May 2008 05:39:42 By Rev. James L. Snyder |
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| Cut Your Smoking - But Not In Half!
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Sigmund Freud once said, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." Any self-respecting cigar smoker, however, will tell you that a cigar is far less a cigar when the correct arts are not applied to the preparation of the cigar and the execution of the act itself. The first act in the ritual is cutting the ciga ... |
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13 May 2008 05:39:42 By Bradlley Mckoy |
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| The Daily Show is a Must See on Comedy Central
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Doesn’t it seem that today there is nothing but bleak reports to hear on the news? Watching the news can give you a feeling that the world is coming to an end. Hope can be found on Comedy Central by means of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.
Comedy Central features stand-up comedians, shows, and movies tha ... |
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13 May 2008 05:39:42 By Kaitlin |
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| Looking for an Alternative Building Material? How Do Danielle Steel Novels Sound?
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Straw bale housing, subterranean homes, houses made of flying concrete--prospective homeowners and contractorsare coming up an increasing variety of alternative building materials that are environmentally friendly and sustainable. But I've got another idea; I want to build a home out of Danielle Steel novels.
I got ... |
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13 May 2008 05:39:42 By Aldene Fredenburg |
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| Build Your Own Paraglider - Honest!
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Well, it's possible to 'build own paraglider'. But it's been pretty hard in the past to find a paraglider kit or a set of decent paraglider plans. So you have to admire the small number of enterprising companies on the web that have now made it possible to 'build own paraglider', and dirt cheap at that. Let's ... |
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13 May 2008 05:39:42 By Tim Parish |
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| The Invention of Details, With A Final Q & A Period; First Half, The Invention of Everything
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At last, we came to the final meeting. It was time to invent details like gravity and magnetism. Then we were scheduled for a final question and answer period. I was waiting for the right moment to bring up my idea that every planet that would have life that can read should come with an instruction manual.
"Well, what do you know? Here we ar ... |
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13 May 2008 05:39:42 By Tom Attea |
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| Hitting The Fan
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In the past people have occasionally accused me of talking shit.
But nobody can say I'm not serious about my subject. In fact you
could say I have a Masters degree in coprology! In recent months
I have been busy writing a paper (toilet paper, obviously)
entitled "What Really Happens When the Shit Hits the Fan ?".
Clearly one needs to define one's t ... |
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13 May 2008 05:20:49 By Chris P Bohn |
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| Obama Budget May Include Money For Americans
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In his bid to become the Democratic nominee for President, Barack Obama took the unusual stance of advocating that at least some of the federal budget be earmarked for Americans.
As is well known, during the Bush administration, essentially all of the budget has been allocated to foreign adventures and mis ... |
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13 May 2008 04:58:37 By Tom Attea |
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| Magic Shows
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Knowing that you need to better understand this topic I recommend that you take 5 minutes to read what we have to say.Magic shows let in many various art forms including illusion, sleight of hand and misdirection. In fact, anything and everything that cannot be explained, mostly falls under the heading "It's magic".Scientifically of course, there ... |
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13 May 2008 04:43:25 By Michael Malega |
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| Three colors, six tenuous links
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It was Christmas Eve last year that the car carrier, Tricolor,
was issued with a wreck removal notice. Having been crashed into
by a ship trying to overtake it, it has been lying there a wreck
ever since. I know how it must have felt.
I was issued with a wreck removal notice on Christmas Eve also.
I felt a wreck, that much is true. I’ ... |
| Posted
13 May 2008 04:31:25 By Pem Charnley |
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